Wednesday, June 14, 2017


We often talk about our Mamis and everything they do.
We grow to be like sisters instead of mother and daughter
Sometimes we forget about the Papis.

The quiet ones
Who sit in the back and set the tone
Who can come in and out of our lives
Who shouldn’t be able to have that choice

But they do.

This is to you
The one who decided to be there
The one who made a choice to stay in my life...


This is my thanks to you

My dad
My number one
The strongest and weakest man I know
The most human
The flawed being who’s just trying his best
The one whose childhood was ripped apart when I was born

It shouldn’t be a choice to stay….
But it is….
You shouldn’t have had the power to say no….
But you could have…
And you didn’t…

You were 17.
And you stayed.
Yes, you played video games, and you hung out with your friends, and you spent too much time away and you made some pretty bad choices.
But you stayed.
You were there
And even when grandma moved you away
You came back
And you loved me….

This is to you
When you spinned me around the room and told me I was the most beautiful girl in the world
And when you proved it by putting my picture in the front jacket of the Prince single.
I was 7 and you told me I was the most beautiful girl in the world.
And it was true

This is to you
When you drew Looney Toon characters on my clothes
And you wrote “Mama” in Old English
And you told me I was the tasmanian devil
And I rolled through childhood like a storm
But you made me feel safe


This is to you
When you became a Marine
And I knew I was supposed to be proud of you
But I was really sad
Because you left
And all I had were letters you would send
And Mami bought me a box to put them in
And when I saw grandma writing you a letter
And I told her to put me in it
Because I wanted you to know I was there
In her letter too

This is to you
When you took me down Lakeshore Drive
On the back of your motorcycle
We went 90 miles per hour
And Mami got so mad
She said we could have been organ donors
She didn’t talk to you for days

This is to you
When I was a teenager
And I was awful
And you were awful
And you were strict
And you were scary
And none of my boyfriends could ever understand
And I had to say, you just don’t get hispanic dads and their daughters

This is to you
When you caught me shacking in college
And I lived to tell the tale

This is to you
When you came to Spain with me
And we flew to Ibiza
And we rode a scooter all around the island
And we ate in San Carlos
Because it had your name
And it was the most peaceful I had ever felt
And sometimes when I’m sad
Or I feel a little crazy
I imagine that ride
And I picture the roads
And I feel the wind
And I feel secure while you drive
And I am calm again

This is to you
Now
I am an adult
But still very much a child
And always your little girl

This is to the trash that you always take out
This is to the parking spot you let me have
This is to waking up to you fixing the ceiling above my head
This is to the giant deck you built with your hands
This is to letting me claim that I built the bench
This is to giving me rides to go out with my friends
This is to your patience
This is to your lack of patience
This is to TV nights and Viceland
This is to Noisey and Huang’s World and Weediquite and recording all of Gloria Steinem's “Women”....but never watching it with me
This is to not having enough time to list all the things you do
This is to still trying

This is to preparing me for the world
To showing me how to be treated
To showing me how to be respected
To showing me how to be loved
To aging and growing and trusting me as your confidant

This is to the fact that at 17 years old, you shouldn’t have had a choice
But you did
And you chose to stay.

This is to being you.
To being a man who has to work twice as hard to get one step forward
A man who deals with too much shit, but still smiles at Disney
A man who works hard to provide
A man who contributes in more ways than he knows

A man who drops everything to be there for his family.

This is for you, Dad.

-Love, Sabrina





2 comments:

  1. I think this is the best way to express you love to your mom by writing a book for her. I guess you don't need to think while writing when you are writing for your mother.

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